The Rise by Danette May

Author:Danette May
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hay House
Published: 2018-08-28T16:00:00+00:00

MY SECOND ROCK BOTTOM

It was official: I was at my second rock bottom.

I wasn’t associating with my husband’s family. My relationship with my own family was on the rocks. They were questioning me, my relationship with God, and they blamed me for my current situation. Even though we had agreed not to tell them about the bikini competition, Laerer had gone behind my back and told them anyway, knowing it was something they would never approve of. Needless to say, they were horrified.

My parents cried for me. They were worried for me, my welfare, my mental capacity, and my spiritual well-being. What would ever possess me to reveal my body on a stage in front of other people? If I felt compelled to do that, then divorce and possibly leaving my children must be next . . . and then drugs, and then alcoholism, and then God knows what. This is how the mind can work. This is where they were going.

And when Laerer spread the lies the counselor told me about, my parents believed him. And broke my heart.

I didn’t have many friends and I wasn’t going to share my personal defeats with my clients, although I did start asking them to pay for a package of sessions up front instead of spacing it out over several months. That at least gave me money for bills and groceries for the next few weeks.

But there was a hidden blessing in all of this. With the lack of people coming in and out of my home, the lack of friends, and the lack of constant TV, there was instead a stillness. I now had an opportunity to hear my own heart beat and to listen to my own voice. I remembered all the times when my inner voice—my spirit, my soul—had spoken to me, and I was now able to hear it again.

I had so much shame, so much rage, and so much sorrow for what had become of my life and my daughters’ lives.

But in my quiet, I gave myself the grace to face those deep fears, to face my shadows and dig deeper in to my gratitude. I was thankful for the strength, divine instincts, and protection I had been given by the marriage counselor. When Laerer and I had first met with her, she had the energy of a warm grandmother who was always looking for the good in everyone. She seemed almost humble in her approach. Her soul’s mission was to help families stay together by using her counseling to save the marriage.

She could have kept whatever she knew about Laerer a secret. Instead, she was concerned for my welfare and made it her mission to help me find courage to do the things that were uncomfortable, like facing the truth and stepping into my power.

I was tired of doing all the work, taking care of the kids, financially supporting us, and pretending. The counselor knew the only way to get my attention was to slap me in the face with her words and say, “Wake up! You have got to dig your heels in.

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